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Being the estranged or alienated parent in a counter-parenting situation must be one of the loneliest experiences there is.
There's the excruciating pain of the child you love more than anything looking at you through critical, disdainful eyes.
There's the isolation and shame of being in a situation that very few really understand and which- to them- seems like you must be to blame for.
There's the despair of hearing so few happy endings.
And on top of all of this, you may still be healing from earlier wounds inflicted by your child's other parent (or caregivers).
I can walk through this with you as only someone who's experienced it can.
I do not offer legal advice. While that seems to have worked for some, even when the child is fully in your custody, their mind and heart belong to the other parent.
What I do is empower people by helping them see their opponent's actions more clearly, organize them into categories, and plan non-combative offensive strategies.
If family therapy is an option, I provide guidance for communicating with therapists who aren't versed in this niche subject.
I provide wisdom and encouragement to keep you afloat in the hardest times.
I provide outlets and healing for the pressure, grief, anger, shame, and trauma that accompany this experience.
And, most importantly, I will help you reach your child in whatever small ways are available to you.
A counter-parent will destroy your credibility, you child's affection for you- even their happiest memories.
They will intercept gifts and cards you send and tell your child that you forgot about them.
They will wipe their ass with your parenting agreement and then take you to court on a minor technicality.
You are caught in a power imbalance that you may have gone out of your way to specifically avoid. It's deeply unfair, but now that you're here
Practice complete non-judgment for your child.
Don't be baited into an argument. Don't take sides.
(beware hidden recording devices)
Rather than fight the other parent- or your child's beliefs- head-on, you have to look for the cracks and plant seeds through them.
The other parent is the sidewalk, you are the tree root that slowly, steadily, just keeps going.
Your child is in a cult, basically. You can clearly see what's wrong with the cult, but any critical word from you is taken personally by the child.
The first thing a smart cult leader does is convince their prey that no one understands them- except for the cult leader, that everyone's against them- except for the cult leader. That other people just want to control and manipulate them- and the cult leader just wants to protect them from all that.
You can't beat a cult leader at their own game. They were setting up the pieces long before you realized you'd wandered into their trap. If you try to play on their terms, you'll always be a few moves behind.
Better to set up your own game, make it look really good.
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